Its been almost an entire year! You know the excuses, I’m sure. Initially, it was mostly on account of the fact that I’d been really frustrated with college and didn’t really have anything to say but then, well, lets just say it escalated. I started actively avoiding the blog, it was almost as if the WordPress logo was judging me, telling me how disappointed it was that I wasn’t doing this anymore. I felt terrible for the most part about avoiding this thing that I loved doing for so long, but as the delay got longer, the idea of actually writing something got more and more intimidating until it was this huge, insurmountable mountain.
So, what’s changed now? College’s done, that’s what, which means that I have run out of excuses to avoid this. Lets get on with it then.
I have all these post ideas in my head about all sorts of things like how Facebook makes me feel socially inadequate, about this amazing book I read called Embassytown by China Mieville which was so good that I wanted to read it again as soon as I was done with it, about the fact that I’ve started cooking and it makes me really happy and lots of things like that. But, most of these are just fragmented thoughts, they don’t have enough meat in them to constitute an entire post, except for the book related one I guess. So, I figured I’d just talk about all those things?
I created a Facebook account. I did it. I swore I never would but I did it. It was mostly because I was feeling really nostalgic one evening and had the entirely ridiculous notion that it was a good idea to have an account so I could keep in touch with people. Except, I am abysmal, that’s right, abysmal at talking to people on the internet. I never know what to say, when to use exclamation points or periods and the acceptable amount of smiley usage, which I swear varies person to person. But mostly, I suck at small talk.
So, I joined. It was a decent sized deal. I reconnected with a bunch of people and there was the cursory, ‘Hi! How are you?’s and the ‘What are you upto?’s and the most common ‘How come you’re on here?!’. There were friend requests from people from school and college and some people who assumed that the fact that we had at some point said hellos to one another meant that they could be my ‘friends’. There was even one guy who said that he had seen me ‘on’ his friend’s wedding! Seriously guy? Creepy much? This whole thing lasted about a week. After the first week, I had no idea what I was supposed to do on there. If was to follow the leads of everyone else, I was supposed to post pictures (which I’m not comfortable with), share images and quote type things(for which Tumblr/Pinterest is much better) or say inane/passive aggressive things on my status (which, just no.). This is the reason that the only activity on my timeline is a conversation with Fuzzy about books, which I can do just as well or rather, better, in person or on the phone.
So, basically the end result of the Facebook experiment was this feeling of social inadequateness that made me feel uncomfortable and generally miserable. I think it may be due to the fact that talking to these people make me feel like the shy and unsure teenager I used to be. I’m not saying I’m super sorted superwoman now, but I’m more self-confident and sure of who I am. Its also probably due to the fact that we essentially have only school in common and nothing else, so the lengths of the conversations I’ve had have been severely limited. I think I found one, maybe two people that I will continue to speak to after this and these were people I was actually friends with way back when, as in, we talked about more than school stuff.
So now, the Facebook account just exists and does nothing, kinda lika a Metapod.
Well, that got away from me. I suppose I’ll write about the other things another time. Hopefully, soon.
I missed you Bloggy.
*Please forgive the terrible image. MS Word can only do so much. ヽ（´ー｀）┌