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Posts Tagged ‘Revenge’

wakin-dreamI’ve just spent a good portion of my morning cackling madly at my monitor, and I have this site to thank. The site opens with:


A Step-by-Step Guide to joining the Forces of Darkness

and has a handy list of objectives, how-tos, careers and even fashion ideas for the evil-impaired. I recommend it as a comprehensive guide to anyone wishing to begin at the very basics ( What is Evil? Benefits? Etc..), but longtime practitioners need look no further to find something satisfying to their diabolic selves, either. I, for instance, have formulated a whole new Evil Plan with the help of this extensive planner.

The finished goods ( My Plan, to all you beginners):

Congratulations on being the creator of a new

Evil Plan ™!

Your objective is simple: Destroy the Earth.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all.

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a news reporter. This will cause the world to sign up for life insurance policies, unsettled by your arrival. Who is this demented madman? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must vaporize the internet. This will all be done from a ‘hell’, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of mean English teachers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must unleash your secret death ray, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare make you clean your room. Everyone will bow before your mind-boggling insanity, and the world will have no choice but to elect you dictator for life.

I’m thinking, “I could live with that.”.  😄. Oops, I mean Ha Ha Ha… He-he-he-he-he..Muahahahaha…Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*** The End***

P.S. : I wonder who will land up on this page.. ( I also suggest you take a look at the tags for laugh.).

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Yes,Revenge is my middle name (they used my initials on Idol, if you noticed!).And if you are Xlucidsanityx’s brother Revenge is my first name and my last name, too.Especially if you’re the kind of moron that describes me as being bunny-like.Granted, most of what you read on here is.. tame but that’s because I’m not about to “spill already!” (for lack of better words) where you can read this -and I imagine you do- ,am I?.That’s not to say any of this is surface-talk;there’s nothing I loathe more.But it also doesn’t say the brainless lot (did i mention a certain brother of Xlucidsanityx’s? ) are better off, either.Also: this is a group blog, not a journal.You know, just in case you didn’t notice.I mean,you know, unless Dora The Explorer is ‘you’ or something.

The aforementioned, who will not be named here, henceforth (unless of course you want to send him hate mail-feel free to do so!) learned just what happens to little boys ,mentally deficient cows that mess with me.Tried to kick sand on me, this one (notice how I say tried– ‘and failed’ is implied..) And what did he get to take home? Why, a mouth -and a lot else, I suspect- full of sand, of course! He stumbled around, blind as the dingbat he is ,and he’s lucky I didn’t have my way (suffice it to say that that included his banging into walls and stepping on rabid dogs).

If I was entirely honest, though (let’s leave that to the boring folks,right?Nahh..we’ll make this exception)? This is volumes more than I generally speak.I mean that’s actually laugh out loud-funny — you’d have to be luckier than hallucinating on Valium or something to hear me ‘chatter’.Unless I’m riled..in which case you’re probably too busy running for cover (Smart choice.I need to shop for more cookies) to listen, anyway.

There.I’m convinced that’s enough material for any psychologist-convention’s frikkin’ field day so, that’ll be it.If this really is being read at a convention? Apart from being entirely shocked, I’ll just spare you the pain -I’ve already been told (‘just the day before, in fact!’,she adds proudly) that I,ah, “need to shed your ties and bonds”,was it? And also: “Do you have a ‘Groupism’ tendency?” ( I think the lady was referring to my ,ah,preference for corners,shall we say? And the people I know.Notice how I didn’t add ‘And love’.Very educational,this here blog..).Again, lol-worthy.Remarks like that have me torn between wanting to laugh hysterically and fling something at the speaker.Before I get Anger Management recommendations :

See yaz.

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You know what these past few days have reminded me of? School (oh,the agony!Lol).Because? I have a little strip of microscopic writing on my desk that reads ‘boredboredboredboredboredboredbored..’ (I haven’t counted yet but I don’t doubt that need will arise, next Physics class.On a completely unrelated note: isn’t it great that teachers aren’t active blog-readers?*muttering*Well,hopefully,at least..).Also, since you’ve all turned to be absolute-frikkin’- gluttons for punishment (nobody wrote in with one way for me to amuse myself.Well I hope you’re happy with yourselves!Hmpf) I’m turning this into a… <dramatic pause> Gallery!Hahh! That’ll teach you to disregard my sweet requests.A couple’ weeks of nothing but one-eyed art and you’ll all be offering me free trips to–well,anywhere really.*Cackles*Sweet,sweet revenge..

Ahem.Melodrama apart,this here is,er,Phoenix (she’s creative too!*eyeroll)

This time,though?No eyes.Does that count as an improvement,I wonder?And it’s in ballpoint for anyone that’s wondering ( ha ha).

Would you believe me if I told you I’ve had to restart this bloody thing at least 10 times just to get one post done? Very educational-in the sense I now know just how much my computer’s worth.. in a frikkin’ museum! I’ll be damned (we’re all going to hell anyway for giving in to temptation-chocolate-so why not just go all the way?) if I don’t auction it off on e-bay (what’s that you say? I get a paper clip in return? Ohmygosh this must be my lucky day! Yeah..you really don’t want to meet my riled alter-ego.Then again, you probably wouldn’t have to unless you’re my dysfunctional computer!

And on that happy note:

‘Later,then.

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