So I’ve been thinking.And thinking.And thinking.To the point where I wish I were thoughts-mute.About what, you ask? Impatient as always, aren’t we? Not that I can blame you.. 😄
Mostly, I’ve been wondering..Why this sudden almost-aversion to Other People? OK, not-so-sudden.In the sense that I would celebrate the anniversary of our’togetherness’, perhaps, this summer.I can only explain it insofar that it’s this nagging something that’s like an alarm in your head saying “Why are you even here?”.< We interrupt this programme to bring you this Author’s Request :Bear with me! >The simplest way I can think of putting this is that everything I do lacks passion.Oh heck, it lacks minimum requisite interest.Right from going to school (Which, God, I demand an explanation for-yes, even though I’m not certain I believe in er, You!) and holding conversations to not-just-sitting-in-a-slump-all-night-like-I-want-to, everything is just so exasperatingly pointless.
Sanjana (one of the people who are supposed to post here) asked me a while back what I would pick if I was granted a wish,Yeah, that old question.And a very interesting one, nevertheless.An endless supply of wishes is what I totally would’ve picked if I had had the option.That being er, unavailable, I settled for ‘Peace’.I know, what kind of an answer is that, right? I mean unless you’re in a beauty pageant.. (God forbid!).What I meant, though, was just peace, ah, in my head.I notice how I’m particularly articulate when I’m saying things that make me want to roll my eyes (yes, at myself.).But I digress.
Peace.By which I can only suppose I mean exemption from The Shallowness that is Life. No, really.Why is it that everyone else seems to be happy enough with a couple of laughs at somebody else’s misfortune, idle chatter, and a trip to the parlour?
Likewise, my attempts at ‘Picking a Career Already!’ have been.. er, not fruitful at best.Again, I can’t imagine doing just one thing over and over just so I can pocket a big cheque on Pay Day.I can find nothing that, ah, “has scope” that would at all hold my interest.Medicine and Engineering are out of the way.The things I love are arts, literature, philosophy and more recently- math.It is just unfair that a ‘Pass’ on your boards will still land you somewhere whereas if you picked something more outlandish you’d have to be at the very-frikkin’-summit to get anywhere and ‘have scope’.So, yes, life stinks etc.And we’re back to square one.I should add (just so you’re fully convinced of my insanity) that if I had the choice, I would love-beyond anything- to lead a Bardic life.What was that about insanity, again?Right.
I find that most of what I’ve written is barely comprehensible to me.Again.Apart from boring you to death, the point of this has been that I’m just tired of everything right now, and dealing with Other People simply reinforces the idea.And that I will still go back to school tomorrow and think the same.
Lucid and Fuzzy should know: you guys are excluded from the Other People category.The niceness is unintentional.OK?Good.
I also just realized how I said sometime back that “This is not a journal!” (and indeed it is not) but this is long, straight from my head, makes zero sense..halfway there, wouldn’t you say?
Anyway, I’m going to go sleep, now.At 5:30 pm.