Posts Tagged ‘Lessons in life’

So, you know that quote from Hugo that goes, “I’d imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know? They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn’t be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason.” ? Yeah, I think my “reason” might just be to make other people feel better about themselves.

Certainly, I make it possible for people to say, “Well, that was a stupid thing to do, but at least I didn’t pull a BWC.”. To further provide a source of self-consolation, I present the events of this morning:

I woke up early today, expecting to have to follow regular college timing, only to find that the first two hours of class had been cancelled. Which meant I had two choices: 1. Go back t bed and 2. Watch an episode of The West Wing. I chose the latter, and I will allow that fact to speak for the show’s brilliance. And so it was, that I let an episode of TWW load, while I took a shower. So far, so good. Except, as I discovered on emerging post- shower, I had essentially locked myself in my bedroom. You see, the door handle on the inside (where I was) has been wobbly for a while now, with my dad’s tinkering being the only thing temporarily holding it there. And it came clean off, when I tried to open the door today (just as it has, ALL WEEK.)! This meant that the only appendage I could grip and use to pull the door open was a latch, but the door was pretty firmly shut and no amount of latch-pulling would make a difference. 

Fortunately, I had my cellphone on me (which is a real rarity, if you know me). But I didn’t have the any of the neighbours’ numbers on it, because, well, I’m BWC. So then, of course, I found a pencil and jimmied the door and escaped into freedom, like the brilliant engineer that I am.

No, I didn’t. I called my mom. I called my mom and told her that her 20-year-old daughter had locked herself in and needed to go to college and, basically, “No, I DON’T know why I shut the door when I know better! CALL SOMEONE! GET ME OUT! I’M LAAAATE!”. And since moms are superhuman beings with all kinds of powers of which we know not, she called our maid. And my highly-amused (and also quite concerned) maid came to the rescue, not long after. If she is convinced that schooling doesn’t improve the mind, I won’t blame her.

Fast-forward an hour and I sat there in college with other 20-year-olds, being taught about the nature of light, by someone who clearly imagines that I am totally capable of handling that, because he doesn’t know that I still can’t remember to not shut my malfunctioning door!

And let’s keep it that way. 😉

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Normally, I don’t take these things terribly seriously. But there are times when, in a class with sixty-odd people who all have their future plans neatly mapped out while I still confuse the SATs with the GREs ( and have done nothing in preparation for either, natch), I feel my brows furrow. I make all kinds of vows to do some research on these things– figure out what I want to do, where I want to go! And in the meantime, I nod knowingly when other people bring up things they want to pursue. “GATE? Well, can’t go wrong with that.”

Full disclosure: I don’t even know what any of those abbreviations stand for- GATE, SAT, GRE. And I simply don’t know what I want to do for a living. It isn’t for a lack of things that interest me, it’s because everything is interesting and I’d really like to just go about doing new things as and when they interest me. Unfortunately, I suspect that kind of thing doesn’t pay the bills.

Louis C.K. quote

So of course, I did a lot of heavy research today.

FALSE! What I did do was spend a ridiculous amount of time on tumblr. This turned out to be a great move because here’s what I found:

“A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his ‘time machine power unit’, a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.” (From Cnet; highlighting is mine.)

I laughed so, so  hard at what  Mr. Cole had to say. But with this came the realization that: THIS. This is all I ask of life: that it be surprising and unpredictable and  amusing in ways I could never imagine and that I always have lots to laugh about.

The End.

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The following is as close to a transcript of  a conversation I had yesterday, as I can offer.

Me: (calling FuzzyLogic)

Person-X: Hello?

Me: Hi. Yeah, you free?

Person-X: …Uh, WHY?

Me: What do you mean–wait, do you not recognize me?! O_o!

Person-X: No.

(I feel compelled to add that Fuzzy often replies in monosyllables. This is something, I feel sure, that  would only be enhanced by her not knowing the caller. My logic thus perfected, I proceeded. Quite gleefully, too, I might add. You will want to remember this to rub my face in later.)

Me: !!!! Do you not have caller ID?

Person-X: Yeah. But I don’t remember everybody’s numbers.

Me: *Playing positively wounded, now* Well, you should know THIS one! What has it been, TEN YEARS??!

Person-X: Eh?

Me: O.M.G.!  Fine! My name begins with an ‘A’ and ends with an ‘I’ !* ( This last one ,spoken very triumphantly)

Person-X: Uh..

Now, suspicion dawned. Fuzzy isn’t the brightest crayon in the box ( I am, although you may beg to differ at the conclusion of this tale), but she can spell. This, along with several factors that an astuter being than I may have picked up on, if such a one existed, led to an “Oh” Moment. Then I hung up really, really quickly.

Person-X may now be safely revealed to have been Fuzzy’s brother or ‘FuzzBrother’, as we shall refer to him henceforth. Suffice it to say, nothing will induce me to call her on her land-line EVER again.

Moral of the story: Look before you leap. Srsly.

* No, my name isn’t really BWC. Sorry to disappoint.

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wakin-dreamI will never again imagine myself capable of making anything even so un-complex as toast ever again. Really. If I ever so much as mention a desire to cook for myself, shoot me.Shoot me, I beg of you! It’s less painful. Indeed, I have never been fond of cooking or even fancied myself a good cook. Eatingthat’s my thing. So why I decided to make myself something to eat instead of just getting off my rear end and buying something safe to eat is as much a mystery to me as anyone else.

At 4 o’ clock this evening I rummaged my fridge and found a couple of biscuits (why couldn’t I have just settled for these?!) and some cabbage and a few onions. Then I proceeded ( the sequence of thought leading to this decision eludes me, also) to look up a recipe for ‘cabbage soup’ and try it out.

I don’t think I can ever look at another cabbage with any semblance of equanimity ever again. I don’t know what I did and how anyone could possibly have ruined, so utterly, something as simple as soup. I will end my sorry tale by saying that I strained the soup and um, watered my plants with that foul concoction. I sincerely hope they do not die. I’m rather fond of them. Then, I dumped the cabbage (after having tried to eat it! I get points for that, right?) in the trash.

Of course, as anyone who reads this blog regularly will tell you, I’m always one for ‘looking on the bright side’*. Hence this blog post- I mean, hey, at least I have a funny story right?.But now I just feel terrified of the kitchen. And mom. She is going to kill me when she’s back. She doesn’t think I can do anything without burning the house down as-is (and has good reason too, I suppose).Sigh.

*Which explains why I can’t say that without the quotes..

Update: I found this site.It cheered me up.It’s funny.

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